想治愈自己——读《活着》后的思绪

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想治愈自己——读《活着》后的思绪
最近的天气雾茫茫的似于我的，从世界观的不同的争吵，到妥协，到自我怀疑，有时候脑袋里总是冒出一个念头，人有时候过的这么痛苦，到底为什么要活着，虽然心里越想越抑郁了，但是更加可怕的是想到死亡也不敢轻易尝试的。
对于自己处于的问题，一直在寻找着一个答案，后来我想着从书里寻找一些的答案和真谛，想着文人的思想应该是充满着的智慧的。
我第一次翻开了余华老师的书《活着》，刚开始的时候我还以为是那种类似于难懂又难啃的长篇大论，翻开第一页就沉沦下去一直看到了最后，一个叫福贵的男人，经历过富有再到贫穷再到看着身边的人一个个的离开，他的一生承受着巨大的苦难，在苦难面前也未曾想过抛弃自己的性命，生命的最后他只有一头老黄牛陪伴着过余生。
他的回忆里又苦又穷又有一些类似的回忆支撑着他，其实他家没落之后生活就很苦，那些所谓的幸福的回忆应该就是有亲人在身边的时候吧，累的时候也知道为什么累，的时候也知道为什么快乐。
看着这个我心里莫名的很压抑，思绪飘到以前那个门店房东的父亲，一个满脸黝黑穿着脏乱且性格古怪的男人，他身下坐着的轮椅还是他儿子最后快要死去时买给他的，年幼丧母，中年丧妻，晚年他的儿子又比他先走了，他也经历了巨大的苦难。
旁边的闲言碎语却是越来越难听： 你看那个老头儿子死后倒是脸色越来越亮了，果然是命硬克死了自己的儿子。 另一个又接话了： 他可不止克死了自己的儿子，他的父母和老婆都是被他克死的。 老头偶尔会沉默不语的突然看着他们，他们也不避讳什么的，大家都知道他老早就已经耳背了，但是他们不知道因为耳朵听不见所以很会看人的表情，所有人都说他古怪，他不古怪才是怪事吧。
现在想想活着其实是一件很简单的事情，但是在那么多 眼睛 和 嘴巴 下还幸存下来其实已经是强者了，而现在的我还做不到像个明白的糊涂者那样活着，我懦弱所以痛苦蔓延。
所有书里的苦难都是按照生活去创造的，但是生活中的苦难是谁都无法创造的，幸福的家庭都一模样的幸福，不幸的家庭千万种层次的不幸。
很多东西是需要时间的。智慧未曾赶上大智，生活却遇上了劫难了，有所缓解但又不是全部的缓解。
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