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再见,我曾经的挚爱_散文精选_心情随笔

再见,我曾经的挚爱_散文精选_心情随笔
  世界之大,无数机缘巧合藏匿其中,总能带给你无数惊喜。但有的时候未必就是惊喜,有时候它会幻化成隐隐忧伤,数落着源源不断的曾经的美好,最终缠绵悱恻于心,难免一阵煎熬。
  那天,秋日不曾露面,天空中散布着奇形怪状的黑云,飒飒凉风吹过长长的街道,卷动着在这个秋天做过告别的落叶。天气预报说今天有阵雨,这到是挺悦人的,毕竟凉风细雨总归会和夏日的余温做一场道别,但也别弄得那么隆重,以免惊动了冬,这就不好了。
  我独自走在街道上,眼前拐角处有一人影触及了我的视线。她身着一身白色的休闲服饰,不太宽松的衣裤勾勒出身材唯美的曲线。她的发型很特别,总体说来头发较短,但有两处相对较长,分别是耳朵和脑后,耳发自然是垂直的,后脑勺的头发扎成了一绺,粗细也不过同三根筷子差不多,这样的发型同她的头很是吻合,一种娇小之气由内向外辐射出来。
  “该走了,东西买好了吗?”这时,一个4、5岁的小男孩拿着少许零食从商店里跑出来。她牵着孩子的手转过身来。她正叮嘱着这个孩子,没暇顾及周围的一切。我认出了她,她的发型到现在也没变,此时,我既好奇又感伤,好奇她与孩子间的关系,感伤那份曾经被搁浅在某段时光里的甜美回忆。
  眼前的这位女子正是我的高中同学,我们都叫她“拉面”,究其缘由,还得从她的爱好说起。那时候,她很喜欢吃拉面,尤其是对校外的那家小餐馆的拉面情有独钟,可能也是出于对拉面的好感吧,有一段时间她索性将头发也卷成了波浪,就好像拉面垂在脑袋上一样,故此,大家不约而同地呼之“拉面”。
  拉面是我的同桌,她很喜欢问问题,特别是关于理科类,总是以“我的脑壳不好使嘛”为由,找我为其解决她所谓的难题。每次讲解完之后,它都会刻意留下几张草稿纸,然后嬉笑着说:“下次来我就不用带草稿了,正好你也用得着。”起初我还是有所拒绝的,可后来就习以为然了,因为她每次都会带草稿纸,并且离去时也不会带走,最后余留的草稿纸竟叠了厚厚的一摞,最终成为了草稿本。顾不得她何想,我便欣然使用了起来,且不带半点愧色,以至于在往后很长的一段时间里,我都不用挤出钱来买草稿纸。
  在毕业前夕,她告诉我草稿纸的侧面有玄机,说是让我按编号排序。我便照她说的做了,于是发现了令我惊诧的四个字“我喜欢你”。对于她的选择,我的拒绝,沉默划开了两堵墙,就好像之前在桌面上划着的“三八线”,无形的隔阂似乎斩断了所有羁绊,泯灭掉曾经的喜怒哀乐,彼此间的陌生乘机摆明姿态,故而我们变成了陌生人中的陌生人,这样的距离一直在扩大,到了最后,我们谁也没有捅破这层薄薄的纸窗。
  如今,八年过去了,这段时间说长也不长,一晃就这么过了;说短了也不短,常常因外物使然,曾经的记忆如淅沥细雨,撒过走过的路,时刻敲打着躺在岁月深处静似孤岛般的心扉,令人无法忘怀,诚然这是折腾人的。
  见到眼前的拉面,她的容颜并未改变多少,因为她大抵不是一个喜好装饰外表的女生,她谙熟最美之处不在脸上,这也是我当时爱慕她的原因。
  我们找到了一家餐馆,坐下来一阵寒暄之后,我即刻明白了这些年她的不易。南方女孩去到粗犷的北方,独自背着一把吉他游历北方的风情,恰到好处之时弹奏一曲。心情寂寥之时,她会寻得一处酒吧,小酌两口,闷闷地偷着乐,让心中的那份孤独于杯酒和喧嚣中没去。当她痛苦、焦虑以及迷惘不知归途时,他出现了,作为她最明亮的牵引,使她找到了家的方向,之后就有了眼前的小男孩。
  我看着拉面,听她讲着这些年发生在她身上的故事,我已沉迷。此刻,我对她诚然没了当初的那种感觉,有的只是一种老朋友特有的熟悉的味道,而那些逝去的往事就让它们成为不老的青春吧。
  其实,我们将年轻作为付诸理想的赌注,茫然于世,忽视了太多客观事实,其中不乏亲情和爱情。当我们蓦然回首时,瞿然一惊的是一些曾经决定放弃而今朝留恋的东西已经悄然远逝,正如岁月一去不回头,哀愁之时,只可把这种遗失归结于我们的年轻。是的,我们年轻,这也是我们的错误,我们都需要在多风多雨的旅途中不断磨炼,然后不断地犯错,在不断地挣扎中,最终得以彻悟,兴许这就是生活的本质吧。
  再见,我曾经的挚爱!
  再见,我的老朋友!
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