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标题: 一个男人_1 [打印本页]

作者: cccq1032    时间: 2021-11-21 03:08     标题: 一个男人_1

一个男人
灵遁者
L静静坐在石阶上,石头面热热的。他非常惬意。在他前面风吹的花瓣直打转,起了漩涡。旁边的小狗被打扰到了,起身站起。
35岁的年纪,大吗?真的可悲吗? L自言自语道。 狗一定不会这样想。因为他活不到35岁。这是狗的悲哀吧。 他这样想着,笑出了声。
他的笑声引起了小狗的注意。小狗朝他看看,吐了一下舌头。又躺下了。那表情好像在说: 你丫才可悲呢。你才是真正的单身狗。爷有的是妞。过几个月就有娃了。 如此,狗的悲哀又变成L的悲哀了。
看着小狗一下子安静了。L这才意识道: 我怎么又自言自语了。 农村人有讲究,一个人的时候,自言自语不好,不吉利。会招来脏东西。可是L想: 两个人的时候,还用自言自语吗?
真的是习惯了吧。L自言自语不是一天了。在农村的时候,L自言自语时候,会被母亲偷袭。她会在他后脑勺拍一巴掌,生疼生疼的。把人吓一跳,死讨厌了。
而她母亲总会训他: 跟你说了多少遍。不要自言自语。让人家说你像个傻子似的。
有好几次L都非常恼火,大骂: 你们才是傻子呢! 所以他讨厌家里。小时候是,现在也是。好在现在出来了,一年就回去一次。
不过也怪的很。尤其是这几年,一年回去一次,呆10多天。他父母慢慢对他的态度好了,不是一般的好。吃饭给他端到跟前,天冷问长问短。弄的L有时候还烦。不过他们好像也害怕自己发火。
有时候看到自己好像烦了,就不敢多说了。L叹了口气道: 也许他们真的老了。可能是想让自己好好孝敬他们,以后给他们养老送终。老人都会害怕的。毕竟他们就自己一个儿子。妹妹嫁到远方了。
L又摇摇头道: 不对啊。我虽然是混混。可我对父母也没有亏待吧。我敬奉的可是关二爷啊。
想到这,他抬头看看天空。太阳晒的美的很。小风也吹在身上,更妙了。就好像一双素手温热的抚摸,这让他想起了M。在他相处过的女人里面,M的抚摸最让他难忘。是啊,人家可是专业的按摩女孩。
他也想起了M的话: 你换个工作吧。 他从来没有听进去。不过他又不愿意发火。因为他需要这个女人。她能让自己安静下来,不孤单,不孤独。无论是身体上,还是精神上都是的。
可是他在心里说: 他妈的。换个工作,说的轻巧。你不知道现在钱难挣啊。我不赚钱,怎么和你温柔。 可是这话他就是在心里说说。
M是他在足浴店认识的。一个乖巧的女孩,长不是很惊艳,却让人有一种想保护的冲动。M确实有这个气质。L知道M的联系对象好几个。一天光接电话,就能知道了。 可是L没有说什么。
事实上L谈过一个正经对象。是村里支书家的女儿。长的带劲,漂亮。不过L也是高大的帅小伙。所以他们很快定了亲。
可是也就是在这样一个有太阳的日子。S【支书家的女儿】穿着吊带,浑身上下都是诱惑。L没有忍住,不满足拉手和轻吻了。呼吸变的重了起来。
想到这,L笑了。那时候真傻。接着说吧。L脱了S的白色衬衫。拉断了S的胸罩带。不要笑,确实是生生拉断的,因为L根本就不知道这东西背后还有扣子。
S一直是半推半就。可是真正当他脱裤子时候。S好像慌了。突然给了L一个巴掌。
L摸摸自己的脸。那一巴掌很响亮。火辣火辣的。热度比今天太阳的温度要高很多。
L停止了进攻。看看了屋里,突然意识到这是在支书家里。万一她爸妈回来怎么办?? 他穿上衣服,一声不吭就走了。
就这样,定了婚的亲事就没有了。就像他对M说的: 女人真是个奇怪的动物。明明一开始愿意,结果最后给我一个巴掌。你说为什么?
M白了L一眼道: 没有为什么??你白痴呗。要么别那么急,婚都定了你还急啥。要么就一做到底。你不是很能吗!
L气愤道: 就是啊。婚都定了。那还有啥。 M不愿意再搭理L的话了。
不过说实话,M看了S的照片,还是有点嫉妒的。这女人长的真白,个子也高。
L好像还没有相通,继续追问: 那她现在给我发信息是啥意思。时隔8年了。她又想和我谈了??
M无奈的接话道: 废话。32岁了。人家能不急吗?你也差不多就行了。这么老的处女你上哪找去!还是美女,偷着乐吧。
L没有接话。沉默了一下道: 她没有你有感觉。 M白了L一眼笑道: 滚。越远越好。
L不知道他该怎么形容和M的关系了。情人?情侣?客户?好像都不是,又好像都是。
L害怕一个人呆着。就在这时M的电话来了。
在干吗呢
晒太阳呢。
你怎么这么爱晒太阳啊。已经够黑了。再黑就非洲了。
没办法。缺爱。不得多晒晒。你也不关心我。
去死吧你。还我不关心你。我不关心现在是跟鬼打电话呢!
L噗嗤一下笑了出了。他和M就是这样,很随意。他喜欢这种感觉。他本来就是个粗人。那些手指纤细,事多的女人他烦。
不过他讨厌M身边的其他男人,她身边男人总是那么多。有时候他问M你在哪? M说她在那。其实L一点也不相信,可是没有办法。
好像自己本来就没有权利管。一个混混,一个随便的男人。没有权利去管的。不过他真心感谢M,M安慰了他孤独不安的心,让他在这个水泥城市好像有了挂念。
之前没有认识M,L总是去找应召女郎,是的。几分钟发泄了,钱一给,提裤子就走人。刚开始他觉得窝囊,怎么几分钟就没事了。后来他不觉得了。
和M不是这样,和M总是能打持久战。身体上满足,心灵上满足。有好多次他都说要娶M。是的,他说了。可是M总是有一搭,没一搭。而且她总是能征服自己。L也是没有办法。
其实他知道。M离过婚,感情恐惧不比自己少。安全感肯定也少。联系那么多男人,大概是在选择吧。事实上,M有次喝醉了,这样说过。
哭着说过。说过关于她奶奶的死。哭的稀里哗啦的,一向眼睛硬的他,也跟着流泪了。是啊。她奶奶的很平凡,却戳人心肺。M的二爸。坐过牢,整整6年。出狱后,M的奶奶才死了。M的二爸和自己同岁,老人家肯定死不瞑目。否则不会说: 一定要给小儿子娶一个媳妇。
那次是他从新认识了M的过去。其实L不知道。M也有很多次想说: 我们结婚吧。 可是理智告诉她,不能。不能和L结婚。 难道你忘了第一次悲剧的婚姻了吗?? 难道你忘了你父母是怎么求你不要离婚的吗? 难道你忘了自己要吗??L是幸福吗?? 一个混混。就算眼前能挣到钱。那又咋样。一个混混,始终是不安的。有任何一点风险,她都不愿意冒了。"
M有时候会想,自己是个坏女人,大大的坏女人。那么多男人围着,今天她得说谎骗这个男人,明天又得骗那个。有时候她觉得自己疯了,太变态了。有时候她觉得这是应该的,她很享受这种围绕。
一旦周围静下来了,一旦没有人打了。她会不安,她会恐惧。她宁愿有人哄她上床。是啊,又不是第一次,上就上呗。只要不讨厌,喜欢就行。爱真的就是奢侈品。
甚至就像L说的:"爱这个东西,就像她妈的鬼,都听说过。就是没有见过。你说闹心不闹心?
L是个心思很重的男人。这一点她对L说过。她看不透L.所以更加不会嫁给他。
当M问L: 为什么,你不愿意向我敞开你自己?我看不懂你,你知道吗?? 不要让我猜你怎么想,很累的。
L只是淡淡的说: 我就是这样。我没有隐瞒什么。 是的,他没有隐瞒什么。连他自己也不知道。是因为他不自信,是他自己矛盾,是他自己刀光剑影的日子弄疲惫了,狡猾了。
我可以说我爱你,但我不会说: 你和那么多男人勾搭。你不就是觉得我是个混混吗?? 说的轻巧,我干什么去!蹬山轮吗! L知道,不说这些还好,所以他永远都不会说。
这是,是生活选择我们,不是我们选择生活。L无奈的叹口气。他看着狗说了句: 狗东西!你这狗东西倒是安逸的。
一个男人,35岁了。8年前被自己差点强办的女人给自己发消息了。说我们再一次恋爱吧。 他确实心动了。他想起了她的美。可是她都32了。她是没有人了,才想起自己的吗??? 他当我是什么??8年后的备胎吗?? 去他妈的!
一个男人,35岁了。怎么了!不就35岁了。不就35岁还没有正式好好谈过恋爱吗?? 告诉你,哥身边不缺女人。是的,L不缺。他一个月可以挣2万,他工作的场所也是女人多。舞场,酒吧这些就是他的工作场地。
有一次自己被打了,满身裹着白纱布。特想有一个女人在旁边照顾着M来看自己了。虽然只聊了一个下午。但L记得,那个下午好美。吃着M削的苹果,甜极了。
可是他不知道。M看到后,是害怕。是实实在在的害怕。M没有明着说出来。只是陪他聊了一个下午。她觉得并不美好。
没有重来,也从来没有彩排。每天都是现场直播。但L总是想如果可以从来,8年前的那天他没有冲动,S肯定就是自己的新娘了。现在自己的孩子都应该6岁了。甚至好几个孩子呢。
可是人生没有重来。就像今天晒过去的太阳,明天又是不一样的太阳。不一样的天空。
太阳慢慢不热了。这个广场上,来了一些人。都是些大人推着小孩在溜达。只有L显得不入风景。因为别的像他这个年龄的,都在上班,都在奋斗。
他也在奋斗。他很勤快,他很拼命。他的场子很规矩。没有人敢乱来。
可是他也在想: 有一天我老了,我还能看场子吗? 我打的动吗??
这时候他又想起M的话了: 没文化真可怕。现在什么年代了。还打呢!人家黑手党都转型了,做企业了。
是啊。或许自己真的该换份工作了。可是换什么呢? 还有那么多兄弟跟着呢。妈的,真烦。算了,就这样过吧。
这时候M电话又来了。
在干吗?
晒太阳。
你晒傻了吧。还在晒?背上都脱皮了吧。
脱就脱呗。跟你有一毛钱关系吗?
脱死也跟我没有关系。关键是你妈刚才又给我打电话了。
L听了,叹了口气,心理道: 我的妈呀,你就给我省省心吧。一天想儿媳妇想疯了。
他无奈道: 那你就挂了呗。不接呗。把我妈拉黑名单。
M大声道: 你牛。他是你妈,我能那样做。那人家咋看我!
L气愤道: 那你是啥意思?
M无奈道: 没意思。你就晒你的太阳吧。晒死算了。
说完就直接挂了。L本来还想说两句。这不到了吃饭点了。想问问M吃饭没。没有就一起吃。
可是他看了看电话。又放回兜里。看看夕阳,他也文绉绉的唱了一句: 夕阳无限好,只是近黄昏。
一个男人,一个男人的天空,就像现在背后的晚霞,绚烂,却经不起时间折磨。不知道,不知道,这个男人的天空,再过一年,也就是36岁的时候,会是什么样???
想象一下都不敢想,想象一下都觉得可怕。L不知道中国有多少人像他这样的人。全球又有多少个像他这样的人。总之,这是一件费解的事情。总之这件事好像有一个严重错误!
2016年4月2日。
摘自独立学者,诗人,作家,国学起名师灵遁者作品。
随机推荐: 天猫优惠券 折扣券 九块九 购物优惠券 淘宝优惠券
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